Am I a very bad leader?

Since Monday, camp has been heavy on my heart. I kept telling myself to try to go down at least for one night. But everyday I just can’t seem to finish studying and I just can’t seem to throw everything aside, I don’t dare to ‘Bo chup’ my revision just for one day. It dragged on until this final night. Indeed I told myself again to try to make it but in the end I failed. Idk what I’m feeling. I feel a little empty. That I missed out totally in this family. Every single camp, even though I couldn’t make it full time I attended 1 to 2 nights at least. But this time I was totally absent. It just feels terrible. I feel like I haven’t lived up to my own expectations, let alone expectations from people, and God. And not as if I’m doing very well in my revision, I am still kinda lagging behind. I feel so horrible.